Smallville 20
by DarthRushy
Summary: A parody of the entire Smallville TV series, every episode abridged. Features a lot of donuts and Chlark.
1. Notes

I am rather surprised that no one has bothered to do a full abridged Smallville yet(this IS the show where Clark leaves time travel rings on his work desks), but I'm doing it here.

Starting soon, I will parody EVERY EPISODE. Now a few spoilers: There will be lots of mentioning of Chlark(my favourite), lots of Clana-bashing and if I like the idea of it, I might just try to IMPROVE on the plot of the original episodes to make Smallville (at least season 9) a better thing.

**I DO NOT OWN SMALLVILLE OR SUPERMAN. DUH.**


	2. 1x01

**Author's Notes: **It's finally here! Now, I'm sorry if this is sort of boring, but it IS the first episode and actually one of Smallville's best so it is hard to find flaws to exploit. Sorry this took so long, but I have a busy life too after all.

* * *

1x01

A helicopter flies across the sky. Inside is a mean old man reading a newspaper and his son.  
LIONEL: Mwahaha! My evil plan to steal the keys to the Veritas device is going exactly as I have foreseen... oh spoilers.  
YOUNG LEX: Dad, for the 100th time, I do NOT eat donuts! EVER!  
LIONEL: Lex, you are a Luthor. Luthors. Eat. Donuts. That's the way it is, you will never be great if you don't eat and become strong. Like me.  
YOUNG LEX: But being a good guy is much cooler! Good guys get to save people!  
LIONEL: *sigh* Ohboyohboyohboyohboy.

The helicopter lands and LIONEL talks with RANDOM EXTRAS.  
LIONEL: Hey, Lex, WAIT RIGHT HERE until I'm done talking with random extras. Okay?  
YOUNG LEX: Okay dad! *slips away at first oppurtunity.* Okay, now to foil my dad's evil plan by embarrassing him with myself! Yay!  
JEREMY: Heeeelp meeeee...  
*SUPERSTORM comes*  
YOUNG LEX: Um... dad, I wasn't gonna embarrass you THAT much...  
*SUPERSTORM destroys field*

JONATHAN and MARTHA go out for some reason and find YOUNG LANA.  
YOUNG LANA: *whines*  
MARTHA: Hush, dearie, you'll never be a good girl if you whine like that, okay?  
YOUNG LANA: *whines*  
MARTHA: Um... can I make a wish?  
YOUNG LANA: *whines*  
MARTHA: Jonathan, let's go.  
YOUNG LANA: *whines*

*JONATHAN and MARTHA car crash.*  
YOUNG KAL-EL: Hiiiiiii dad!  
MARTHA: *gasp* We have a kid YAY!  
JONATHAN: Um, Martha maybe we should like make some tests to make sure that...  
MARTHA: I HAVE A BABY!  
JONATHAN: Never mind.

JONATHAN: Clark, stop bothering us and go to school already! We don't need your superpowers right now.  
CLARK: Awww... I missed the bus. Well, time to take out this magic skateboard!  
*Super-skateboards to school.*  
CLARK: Well, there goes another set of wheels.  
*Pete and Chloe show up.*  
CLARK: Hiiiiiiii, Chloe!  
CHLOE: Hiiiiiiii, handsome!

PETE: Hey Clark there's She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!  
CLARK: *collapses due to the sickly presence of Lana.*  
LANA: *whines and leaves*  
CLARK: *gasping for breath* Did we make it?  
PETE: Yep. Another whining session survived.  
CLARK: Phew...  
CHLOE: *shows up on-screen again to go offscreen with CLARK. Alone. In a hidden room.*

LEX: *drives like Chuck Norris.* * I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT LOW STOCKING! GET ME MOOOOOORE DONUTS- oh it's a kid. Maybe I should run him over and embarrass my dad!  
*Lex crashes into Clark.*  
CLARK: *underwater* Ooh, I better get him out, he might be Michael Rosenbaum!

LEX: *realizes Clark is alive* This kid might just get me those donuts...  
CLARK: Did you just say something?  
LEX: *evil grin* No.  
CLARK: I believe you.

JONATHAN: Who was the maniac driving that truck?!  
LEX: Me. Even though my only influence in life has been my evil dad, my goodness has somehow survived.  
JONATHAN: I don't believe you.  
LEX: *amazed that someone has brains besides him.*

CLARK: *gets a brand-new truck.*  
JONATHAN: Um, Clark. Here's the thing. You can't have it.  
CLARK: Why not? We could sell it and our farm would be ok and...  
JONATHAN: 1) It smells like donuts. 2) Because I got the keys first. Oh and cause we're good, normal people.

CLARK: *puts his hand in cutter* I'd give anything to be normal!  
JONATHAN: Um, why, mr. INVINCIBLE?  
CLARK: I dunno.

JONATHAN: Look Clark, here's the thing. You're an alien from an unknown planet, the spaceship's in the storm cellar and here is this alien gadget that we might need in some random future episode.  
CLARK: ...how come I haven't guessed/found all of this already?

LIGHTNING LAD(SORT OF): Okay, I've woken up after several decades of coma and I have superpowers. Time to go kill a bunch of kids even though they were just jocks when they did this and I'm TOTALLY not gonna go find my parents first. 'Cause I'm insane or something and that totally means I don't give a crap about my parents.

CLARK: *finds Lana in graveyard.*  
LANA: *whines for an entire scene*  
CLARK: *zones out and daydreams of Chloe.* Yes, Lana. Your parents are interesting.  
WHITNEY: *spies* OMG HE CAN UNDERSTAND LANA! *grits teeth* Competition!

WHITNEY: Hey Clark!  
CLARK: Yeah?  
wHITNEY: Time to get incapacitated by an emotionally compromised jock who just happens to put around your neck the ONE thing in Smallville that can disable you!  
CLARK: Darn.

CLARK: I'm tied to a cross stake and the letter "S" is on my chest. Subtle.  
LEX: Oh hey Clark I heard your groaning from the car. Wanna go see a doctor together?  
CLARK: Just cut me down this stake and make it so I will conveniently lose the meteor rock necklace that is tied around my neck.  
LEX: Sure, best buddy!

LIGHTNING LAD(SORT OF): They're all random students! Therefore they must die!  
CLARK: You can't do this!  
LIGHTNING LAD(SORT OF): Um, yes I can. *activates sprinklers* See?  
CLARK: You can't do this!  
LIGHTNING LAD(SORT OF): Oh yes I can. *touches water with electrical hands* See...? *gets electrocuted and loses his powers and memories*  
CLARK: Told ya.

CLARK: ...and so I totally super-punched Lightning Lad into the Daily Planet globe and saved the day!  
CHLOE: *in love* Btw, when I go to work at the Daily Planet, will you come with me?  
CLARK: Only if your cousin isn't there.  
CHLOE: Deal.

CLARK: Time to look at the stars...  
*The stuck telescope is still stuck at Lana's house*  
CLARK: Come on!  
HALLUCINATION OF LANA: Claaaaaark... dance with me!  
CLARK: Hm... no.

CLARK: _Let bygones fall where they may... this has been a dirty day._


End file.
